Ex- English leader Lewis Moody has disclosed he has been identified with motor neurone disease and acknowledged he cannot yet confront the full ramifications of the muscle-wasting condition that ended the lives of other rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The 47-year-old, who was part of the 2003 Rugby World Cup-winning side and lifted numerous English and European titles with Leicester, gave an interview to BBC Breakfast two weeks after discovering he has the illness.
"There's a certain confronting what lies ahead and not wanting to fully comprehend that at the moment," he stated.
"This doesn't mean I don't understand where it's heading. We comprehend that. But there is definitely a reluctance to face what's ahead for now."
Moody, speaking alongside his wife Annie, states instead he feels "calm" as he focuses on his present wellbeing, his family and planning ahead for when the condition deteriorates.
"Perhaps that's surprise or maybe I process things in another way, and when I have the facts, it's more manageable," he added.
Initial Indications
Moody found out he had MND after noticing some weakness in his upper arm while exercising in the gym.
After physiotherapy didn't help the issue, a number of scans revealed nerve cells in his brain and spinal cord had been damaged by MND.
"You're presented with this medical finding of MND and we're rightly quite moved about it, but it's rather peculiar because I feel like I'm perfectly healthy," he continued.
"I don't feel sick. I don't sense poorly
"My indications are rather minimal. I have a small amount of muscle deterioration in the fingers and the shoulder.
"I remain competent to performing all activities. And with luck that will carry on for as long as is possible."
Illness Progression
MND can progress rapidly.
According to the charity MND Association, the illness takes the lives of a one-third of people within a year and more than half within 730 days of detection, as swallowing and inhalation become increasingly challenging.
Medical care can only delay decline.
"It isn't ever me that I feel sad for," stated an moved Moody.
"It's the sadness around having to inform my mum - as an single child - and the ramifications that has for her."
Personal Effect
Speaking from the residence with his wife and their canine companion by his side, Moody was consumed with feeling when he spoke about informing his sons - 17-year Dylan and adolescent Ethan - the traumatic news, stating: "This was the toughest thing I've ever had to do."
"They're two wonderful boys and that was pretty heartbreaking," Moody said.
"We were seated on the sofa in crying, Ethan and Dylan both hugging in each other, then the dog leapt across and began cleaning the tears off our faces, which was quite amusing."
Moody said the priority was staying in the moment.
"There is no cure and that is why you have to be very militantly directed on just embracing and enjoying each moment now," he stated.
"According to Annie, we've been truly fortunate that the sole decision I made when I retired from playing was to allocate as much period with the kids as possible. We won't recover those times back."
Player Connection
Professional athletes are unevenly impacted by MND, with investigations suggesting the prevalence of the disease is up to six times greater than in the wider community.
It is believed that by reducing the air obtainable and producing damage to nerve cells, frequent, strenuous training can activate the illness in those already vulnerable.
Rugby Career
Moody, who earned 71 England appearances and traveled with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was nicknamed 'Mad Dog' during his playing career, in acknowledgment of his fearless, persistent style to the game.
He played through a bone injury of his leg for a time with Leicester and once caused a practice scuffle with fellow player and friend Martin Johnson when, frustrated, he left a practice gear and started participating in physical contacts.
After appearing as a substitute in the Rugby World Cup championship win over Australia in 2003, he claimed a ball at the end of the set piece in the critical moment of play, setting a base for half-back Matt Dawson to attack and Jonny Wilkinson to score the game-deciding drop kick.
Backing System
Moody has previously told Johnson, who led England to that title, and a few other previous colleagues about his diagnosis, but the rest will be learning his news with the rest of public.
"There will be a moment when we'll need to rely on their backing but, at the moment, just having that sort of affection and recognition that people are available is what's important," he said.
"The sport is such a wonderful group.
"I told to the kids the other day, I've had an extraordinary life.
"Even if it concluded now, I've enjoyed all of it and welcomed all of it and got to do it with remarkable people.
"When you get to label your enthusiasm your career, it's one of the most significant blessings.
"Having accomplished it for so long a period with the squads that I did it with was a delight. And I am aware they will want to assist in any way they can and I await having those talks."
